And Your B-List Dude of the Week is…

JOSH HARTNETT
Hartnett 2
Age: Older than I expected (37)
Height: Suspect (He’s listed at 6’3″, and while he’s tall, I’m not 100% sold on that number)
Nationality: Minnesota nice (I’ve used this joke before, and I don’t care)

I’m disappointed in you. I would have preferred to write about Jamie Kennedy over this. Jamie Kennedy! He’s so annoying even Jennifer Love Hewitt dumped him. Anyway…

Josh Hartnett came from the passive-aggression capital of the United States, Minnesota. But he’s not cool like Lou Solverson was on last night’s Fargo. No… he’s more like Martin Freeman’s character from last season. He got his start on Halloween: H2O, and from there, went on to star in The Faculty and The Virgin Suicides. This, combined with his eyebrows and natural charm, indicated promise. But no, not for Hartnett. Dude squandered his fame by starring in the crime against America, cinema, and the Japanese, Pearl Harbor. Much like Cuba Gooding, Jr. in the same movie, Hartnett had a few more movies in him, most terrible, and a few passable, then he more or less disappeared. He’s made a comeback recently, in Penny Dreadful, but everyone knows that’s Eva Green’s show. I hope he re-disappears and takes his dumb dirt mustache with him. And I hope you all do better next week.

Happy Halloween. I’ve just lived a nightmare.

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